Grrlfriend (grrlfriend) wrote,

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In the mood to type.

Last night I went out to one of the popular gay bars with a couple of friends. Fer cryin' out loud. Barely any of those women looked approachably bi. Myself included, now that I think of it. It's scary, the idea of approaching someone AT AT GAY BAR and perhaps being glared at by her BOYFRIEND.

So I don't. I didn't really talk to anyone. I am so new. I have so much to learn.

I am very femme in appearance. Very long hair, am told I am very pretty, I almost always have mascara and lip gloss on, and I dress, well, femme. I mean, I might wear jeans and boots and a sweatshirt, but I still look femme. And yet it seems, through discussion, that I may have a rather butch personality, you know, for a girly girl. The more I think about it, the more I believe that to be true. When I fantasize about sex with women, I'm always the doing something to her, not the one being "done". I guess I've always been that way. I don't want to dominate anyone, per se, but I LOVE to ravish. Then again, I wouldn't mind being completely splayed out for a hottie with a strap-on. I guess there are exceptions to everything, because sometimes it's a turn on when someone ELSE takes charge, too.

I love a pretty, feminine face. They don't have to wear makeup, but they have to look like a woman to me. There are a lot of undeniably awesome chicks around who are very masculine... and most of the of bi or gay women I know love that. I find it confusing, and confusion is not arousing. The second necessity is that she likes her body and is comfortable in her skin. Big or small, show off the curves! Anything after that is subject to her personality - I don't like someone just because of their looks. I have to talk to them. And I have been drawn to women unexpectedly because of a kick-ass personality. Confidence (not cockiness) draws me in like a bee to honey.

As we were leaving last night, I saw one incredibly hot chick walk by. Jeans, black leather belt, clingy black wife-beater, silver ball-chain necklace and almost-but-not-quite-shaved head - just the shadow her dark hair. She had curves, and she obviously liked showing them off. She had a gorgeous face. Unmistakably female, but tough. Kind of androgynous in her style, but not in her presence. Wow. I almost smacked into somebody.

Funny how I was always attracted to long haired, somewhat diminutive guys, and now I am attracted to short haired, tough women. Beautiful, all of them.

I have a scattering of crushes throughout various social circles, but the last thing I'd want to do it make anyone uncomfortable. I am so afraid that I will lose the bi friends I have if I go there! I need these gals who understand, whom I can talk to... but sometimes, well, it's hard to keep my mind on track... *swoon*

I am SO going to bed now. Stop, brain, stop.
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